Thank God for little children; their apparent foolishness puts adults to shame. We have all been there. As a child, I well remember how my parents trained me up to steer clear of strangers. Don’t talk or accept gifts from strangers, they said; it was good advice I grant you, but it is vulnerable to the law of unintended consequences. And speaking for myself, it closed a door to otherwise meaningful relationships. But what happens, if out of the blue, a child, a complete stranger, heartily reached out to you as if you were some long lost relative – with smiling brown eyes, arms wide open, disarmingly and at the ready to give you a hug! What would you do, really? Ahh yes, I know, you would be speechless! Well, it happened to me. And, you guessed it, I was flummoxed. No sooner had I set foot on Taiwanese soil than a strange thing happened to me. My wife and I were riding on the Taipei Rapid Transport Metro (the MRT). We were making our way home in New Taipei City; when on a sudden a little girl, about 8 years old, who turned out to be our neighbour’s daughter, picked us out from the travelling public, and ran out to us and excitedly said, “Hi!”
We were both bewildered at the unexpectedness of the event – at least I was, the more so because the happening was totally unforeseen. It appears, or so it seems, that it is rare to see a black person in Taiwan, not even in Taipei, the capital city. Yes, yes, there is the odd black person here and there; I even saw one only a few days ago, but we black people are few and far between. Much to my surprise, and I am continually surprised even as I write, I am something of a novelty where I live; it is highly probable my black face may have had something to do with the little girl’s unusual interest. My wife and I treated her with all possible politeness, but as children are wont to do, she publicly and loudly declared her desire to be my friend – causing me to blush ever so slightly with embarrassment. Those who know me will vouch that I am not the sort of man who goes round spying out little children to befriend. So you can imagine my embarrassment. And, yes, black people do blush too! We are no different from any other race when it comes to blushing; we are perhaps better at hiding the fact – only joking!
But seriously, I had another good reason to blush; those familiar with the unhappy indiscretions of adults involving children in the UK, may tell of my genuine apprehension at getting too familiar with a child, any child. It is indeed a fearful thing for anyone to live under a cloud bearing the mark of Cain. Paedophilia is a dreadful business. It only brings tragedy to the abuser and the abused alike. And, living as we are in these sexually excitable times, familiarity with a little child was the last thing I had in mind when I relocated to this beautiful Island of Taiwan. However, the long and short of this charming little story, my wife and I have learned a lot from this little child; so much so that all the reservations I had about getting too familiar with her have since melted away. We have both embraced the little girl’s gift of friendship. And, what a gift she has brought into our lives! We would not swap the gift for anything. Our two families now warm friends, we regularly meet together socially. We are firm friends.
Since I am a man whose quiver is empty of the arrows of a mighty man, I have often wondered what it is like to be a father. It is in the context of this very subject that, many years ago, as the second millennium hurtled towards its close, I found myself exercised with thoughts of fatherhood; and, following a heart-to-heart chat with my soon to be wife at the time, I was persuaded to commit my thoughts on paper, in a form of a letter to a child I knew my wife and I would never have. The letter was published in 2001, by a little known Literary Society of Buckingham, The Swan and Pen. I played a small part in its formation and one of the society’s goals at the time was to publish an anthology every two years. The first volume, Visions of Buckingham, came out in 1999. The second, Letter to the Future, came out in 2001; it was in this volume that my letter was published. It was a simple letter, something of a personal paean to Buckingham, a small market town in the heart of England. Buckingham is special to my wife and me, it’s where we met, had our courtship and celebrated our wedding. We were married at St Laurence church in Winslow, another small market town within a stone’s throw of Buckingham. We were both educated at the local university, the University of Buckingham.
No doubt much has changed since the letter was first published. Indeed, I would probably write the letter a little differently today; cognizant as I am of the turbulent world we are now living in. However, there are certain truths which I believe are as relevant today as they were when the letter was first published. There is, however, one little thought I feel constrained to add to it: wisdom. If I were a father, I would counsel my child to seek wisdom by experience, and to seek it above anything else; take great pains to getting wisdom more than fame or money, true wisdom is a gift from God; it comes from him, and, as the occasion arises, must use it for him. I personally thank God for my little girlfriend, Bo (not her real name for reasons of discretion), that in her childish innocence, a babe really, took the initiative to go where angels fear to tread and make an acquaintance with a complete stranger. It is significant that in her little eyes, it did not matter to her that I am black. Fear of a stranger is real and it must be acknowledged; it not only paralyses, but it also blind folds judgement. It is for this reason that we, the adults, have a great deal to learn from little children. Their indifference to difference is truly astonishing. It is highly fitting therefore, that I should inaugurate this blog, The Kamugasa Challenge, by re-producing this letter unchanged – dedicated to my unlikely friend, Miss Bo.
My dear Child,
It is 6:15 AM 29th October 2000. I have just put the clocks and my watch back by one hour. It marks the end of British Summer and the start winter. October is going out with a bang! The weather is dreadful. The Met-Office forecasts heavy storms and gusts of up to 90 miles per hour. It is so bad that it is compared to the terrible storms of 1987, which left 19 people dead. The cost to property was incalculable. I hope this year’s winter is not as bad!
Last night, I had a very strange dream. In the dream, I could see what appeared to me to be you – my child. Strange as it may seem, you were like a lone star in a clear sky. I felt I knew you. Do not ask me why or how. Something simply clicked, and the sight of you made my heart skip with joy. However, a certain sense of foreboding engulfed my being like a black cloud. It was at that moment I awoke from my sleep – rather rudely. That is why I am up at this unearthly hour.
Putting the clocks back, I thought about time, as I had never done before. With the dream still on my mind, I wondered if there was any connection. And supposing there was some connection, what was its meaning? Was it because time is slipping me by without my noticing, or was it a wake up call of sorts? Whatever it was, thoughts of time relative to life raced through my mind. I was suddenly possessed by an overwhelming urge to put something on paper for your benefit. I had no idea what to write, not knowing who you are, as one would put it, but knowing of your existence, albeit in spirit. I thought that perhaps writing about the future is a more appropriate way of expressing my feelings. The thought about the morrow naturally begs the question, “What is the future?”
In answering that question, I invite you to allow me to make a supposition. Allow me to suppose that the future is for me to start making preparations for you. You being my child, I should like to think that you are my future – THE FUTRE! Because, if I should die, you are the only physical evidence there is to show that I once existed. In you, I should like to think that I would continue walking the surface of this earth. The next question therefore seems to me to be, “How am I to prepare for you?”
It seems to me that the answer would lie in my obligation to you as your parent. Indeed, like all parents, I shall endeavour to provide for you to the best of my abilities. Furthermore, I propose to go the extra mile.
Now, this is how I propose to go about things: I propose that, in addition to all the things I will give you, to make a statement of values to which I would like you to aspire. It is an expression of hopes I have for you. I therefore invite you to consider this statement as my letter to the future – my Ethical Will for you, my child.
My experience, for what it is worth, seems to suggest that there are certain things in life, which act as the foundations upon which to build a future. When you are a lot older, I do hope you will one day agree with me that in knowing these things well, you will find therein lies the rock upon which our lives are stayed in times of crisis. These are values of which love is supreme! In cultivating love, you will find that the blessings of peace, patience and tranquillity are yours to have.
When you become an adult, I should like to hope that you will be kind to me in my old age. Be kind in your judgement of me, for I am an ordinary man. I have made many mistakes in my lifetime. Many of which I am ashamed. Do not think the less of me for what I may or may not have done. Have it so that I too have feet of clay. Equally, be careful in your judgement of others. As you get older, you will find that the essence of humanity is often characterised by contradiction. I should like you to note that we are all sons and daughters of conditions, of circumstances, of environment, of education, or even acquired habits. Above all, note that we are children of heredity – the very substance that shapes you and me.
Observe, my child, the import of small things and their effects on the commonwealth of mankind. I have found life to be the sum total of little things. These little things have a surprising capacity of turning into giants, which terrorise man. They manifest themselves in the form of slights, slings and arrows, which can be very wounding to a timorous soul. Even great souls have succumbed to their haunting ways. Trifles, which is their true name, are as old as time. They have proved themselves the reef upon which dreams, marriages and friendships are split. If you ever stumble upon them, my advice to you is to see them for what they really are! Nothing but mere trifles! Always remember that life is too short to be little. Never be seduced by them. Nothing is as tragic as to see an adult sitting too long over trifles.
If you ever meet with selfish people who use you despitefully, or contest a footpath with you, simply step aside and write them off and get on with your life. Do not keep a grudge or bear resentment. It is bad for you. It spreads poison into you like cancer, and it kills. Indeed, this is exactly what Jesus the Christ taught over 2000 years ago. He said that you should love your enemies. And that you should forgive your enemies seventy times seven! My dear child, it seems to me that what the Christ was trying to say to you and me is that, by not harbouring resentment in our short lives, we are actually doing ourselves a good turn. We are saving ourselves from the terrible things which eat people up, manifest themselves in high blood pressure, heart trouble and stomach ulcers.
You will probably note in due course that one of my cherished pastimes is walking. I recall with fondness walking along the River Ouse in Buckingham during which time I marvelled at the seasons and in particular, the autumn season. I found, and I still do find, the sight of the unpredictable flight of a falling leaf very instructive. It has a striking resemblance to the path of life. I know of virtually no-one who has gone through life without being touched by the hand of fate. You too, my child, the hand of fate will touch you. And, if life ever deals you a cruel hand, please save yourself by being willing to have it so. Co-operate with the inevitable. Do not fight lost battles. Note, however, that I am not suggesting that you be weak! It is not weakness to know when to walk away. Furthermore, by co-operating with the inevitable, you will tap into your innermost resources, which will in turn help you overcome any misfortune that visits you. The ability to bend like the willow, and not to resist like the oak tree, will invest in you the strength to absorb those shocks and jolts which litter our stony path of life. Accordingly, in such circumstances, try as far as you can to bear lightly on what needs must be.
Being charitable to your fellow human beings is arguably one of the most satisfying things in life. However, you should be careful in not expecting gratitude for your pains. Gratitude is one of those things which is as rare as the kernel of an onion. That is why Dr Samuel Johnson is reputed to have said that “Gratitude is a fruit of great cultivation. You do not find it among gross people.” Alas, ungrateful people surround us. Nothing is new about this unhappy state of affairs – for such behaviour is as old as time itself. Take note, therefore, not to expect gratitude for the small mercies you bestow upon your neighbour. Similarly, be thankful for any kindness that may come your way. Always say thank you at the earliest opportunity, for you may never walk this way again, as life is a one-way street.
Like every parent, I am ambitious for you, my child. I have high hopes for you. I hope that one day you will find something worthwhile to do. I pray that you have the good fortune of knowing the meaning of endeavour. If you ever do, I also pray that you have the grace to comprehend the difference between success and failure. I understand that this difference lies in the willingness to make the extra effort, go that extra mile, and endure the extra hardship. That it is a certain quality that carries one forth in the face of severe disappointment. It is a quality which never gives up. It is a quality that I hope you will find. For without it, neither genius nor talent will help – not even luck!
Every person in this world has an ideal imagining of himself. You and I have imaginings of who we are. However, along with our imaginings is a shadow which goes by the name, Reality. This friend is always at hand to remind us of our true selves. Few people have the good fortune of having the image of themselves coincide with reality. You may be one of those select few, but chances are that you are not. If you are not, please come to terms with who you are! Delight in the person you are, and rejoice in those peculiarities that are unique to you. Because in so doing, you will find peace – the greatest gift of all. As Emerson wrote in his famous essay on “Self-Reliance”, “There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried…”
My dear child, allow me to conclude by challenging you into cultivating good habits whilst you are still young. Good habits beget conduct, conduct begets character, and character begets destiny. This is the best preparation you can expect from me. Choose wisely, therefore, and you will find pleasure in drinking from the cup of life that awaits you. Thus, you will be vested with a certain quality of spirit which will in turn enable you to embrace the riddle of life with such calmness that it touches the very hem of divinity.
Stephen Kamugasa.
A little post script: made on 1 January 2017. It is a reflection on the political uncertainties in the world today owing to decisions made in 2016 in Europe and America. It is a quote taken from a speech by Sir Winston Churchill. He made the speech on 29th October 1941 to the boys at Harrow School, one of the great English public schools. He said, “Never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense…”